Top Ten Ways to Avoid Jury Duty

I have jury duty coming up and I hope I get on a panel. I know. I'm weird. But I like jury duty. I think it's such an interesting slice of life--to hear about the cases and to observe the kinds of people who come to serve.

I've been on juries before and have been amazed at the lack of reasoning ability of those present. Decisions about innocence and guilt were based--not on the evidence--but on the gut feeling of those on the panel, on how "guilty" the accused looked, on how the crime resembled one experienced by a juror, on the credibility of the witnesses. It was a very eye-opening experience.

Once when I was called for jury duty in Arizona, my boss told me how I should try and get out of it, as if, of course, that was what any reasonable person would want to do. I was quite indignant and told her I wanted to go and do my civic duty. She back peddled so fast she was moon walking, but in honor of her, here are the top ten things to say to get out of jury duty:

10. What's the highest amount we can award for damages?

9. Burglary? I won't do anything less than a capital case!

8. Innocent shminnocent. He looks guilty as hell.

7. They should bring back hanging.

6. I brought my cat, Miss Kippers, to help me decide what to believe. She's an excellent judge of character.

5. The only judge I listen to is Judge Judy.

4. When do we get snacks?

3. Have you heard my favorite joke? How do you tell if a lawyer's lying? His mouth is moving. Ha ha ha.

2. Is the firm of Crane, Poole and Schmidt trying this case?

And the number one thing to say to get out of jury duty . . .

1. I've always wondered what it would be like to be on this side of the court proceedings.

There you go. Hope it helps next time you get called to serve.