Panda Love

Did you see the headline:

Chinese Researchers Pimp For Panda


Okay, so that's not really what it said, but there was a segment on the Olympics the other night where that headline was the subtext. The story was about the Panda Research Center where Chinese scientists have figured out how to breed the endangered pandas with spectacular success.

There's this one stud panda--we'll call him Mr. Big--who's fathered tons of babies. In order to keep him athletic enough to do the deed they use food treats to get him to first get on his hind legs, then squat down, then stand up, repeat. The reason for this is that the up-on-the-hind-legs position is ideal for getting it on, panda style. Just what you wanted to know from your Olympics coverage.

Apparently, though, even studly pandas have off days. When our hunka black & white love isn't in the mood, they play panda porn for him. Yes, I'm not kidding. They have a little TV outside his cage and they play video of pandas getting it on, complete with sounds of screaming and moaning. They didn't say whether these were videotapes of Mr. Big himself, which would make this whole thing a little too Rob Lowe.

Unfortunately, the panda research center was affected by that terrible earthquake in China. Buildings were severely damaged and some pandas died. Still, they reported that since that time there have been a few more births and I imagine they're firing up the video as you read this in order to keep the panda baby train on the move.