Of Flies and Men

I'm lying in bed reading last night, my husband by my side, and this dang fly is buzzing like crazy around our room.

"Why do flies always end up in our room?" I am quite indignant and ask the question more of the universe than my spouse, but he is there and is forced to listen to my ongoing cry to the heavens: " They come in at the far end of the house [when we leave our screen door open] so why do they always end up in here?"

"They like the light," replies my husband.

True, our bedroom light is the only one on in this house. This explanation had not occurred to me. I thought maybe it was time to wash our sheets, or move the kitty litter out of the back hall.

"So, if I turn on the bathroom light, the fly will go into the bathroom?"

"Yes."

I hatch an evil plan. I turn on the bathroom light. I turn off the bedroom light (yes, my sweetie is still reading). The fly buzzes into the bathroom. Ah HAH! I've got him now! I close the bathroom door, slipping my hand out at the last second after turning off the bathroom light because I don't want to waste electricity. I turn back on the bedroom light and slip back into bed, feeling very smug in the blissful silence.

My husband has not moved from his recumbent position, book never wavering from its upright position, even when the lights were off. He does not look at me, his eyes fixed instead on the words he can see once more. He speaks: "How long do you think it'll take for him to crawl under the bathroom door?"

"You mean he'll see the light in our room and come back?" I didn't think of that. I thought he was trapped forever in the bathroom of death.

Less than a minute later, the infernal buzzing sounds.

"Damn! What do I do now?" This time I am not crying out to the heavens but instead asking my husband.

"Turn off the light. Then he'll stop buzzing around."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Why?"

"They can't see to fly in the dark."

I'm quiet a moment. Then turn off the light. The buzzing stops.

My husband leans over to me and says, "Just call me, 'The Fly Whisperer.'"